the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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