Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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