I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
