i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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