New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
