Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
