I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
