this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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