I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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