Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize