Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im six kinds of drunk right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
