He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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