So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
