OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
