Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to cum in my sink.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
