This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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