you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
