just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize