he shaved USA in his pubs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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