2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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