I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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