i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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