we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
