So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
