If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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