I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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