test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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