I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
