Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
