My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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