u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I sprained my soul last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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