Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
