so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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