I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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