Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
