Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize