There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
