Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
