Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
