I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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