just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
