Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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