weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
