I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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