please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
time to smoke my breakfast
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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