david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
