Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
