We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
