I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize