Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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