I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
