I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
