yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
