I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
