So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
