why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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