You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
