the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
