i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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