New invention idea: vibrating tampons
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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