I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
