I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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