You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
