Screwed.edu
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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