Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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