I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
