im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
