I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
