woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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