Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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