I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think my vagina is haunted
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
