apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
