apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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