so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
