Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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