I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
