Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
