So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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