i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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